Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
