Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
