physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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