So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
