May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
