Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
