i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm passing your future prison.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
