Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
