So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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