saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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