Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
