just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
