I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
