remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
