I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
