she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
