Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
