So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
