they need to just BURY HIM!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
