This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
