Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
