I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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