well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
