She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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