Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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