Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
