Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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