Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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