did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
