If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
