i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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