guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
