You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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