I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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