I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
