Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
