I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
