I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
