While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
