i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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