I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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