...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
