my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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