Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
