You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
