Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
