Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
