So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
