The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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