When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
