he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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