I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
