This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
