Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
